What if you were dying, what would you do differently?
Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash
Do you love reading books? Which is your favourite? Have you ever read a book that had altered your life in ways you couldn’t imagine?
Each and every book we read give us something to add to us, shift things around a little, or even take something from us and re-evaluate the way we think or perceive our view of the world. As Edmund Wilson has stated “no two persons ever read the same book”, when one reads a book they live the story through themselves, through their experiences of life, their views of the world, their beliefs of how things are and how they should be. One book can alter a person’s life drastically and do absolutely nothing to another.
“No two persons ever read the same book.” ~Edmund Wilson
A book I have recently read “The Top Five Regrets of Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed” “ by Bronnie Ware has been a book I can add to the ‘blown me away pile’. Bronnie was at a point in her life where she felt unfulfilled with her work. Her heart was whispering to her to look for work which gave her meaning. Even though she really didn’t have the formal qualifications or experience to be working in palliative care this is where she found her purpose. She had been searching, asking, looking for why she was here, and her question was answered. She spent her days with people and looking after their needs, these people were at the end of their journey of life, they were dying. She spent the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
Her book is a memoir of her own life, she writes about how tending to the needs of these people gave birth to her transformation through the regrets they had. Bronnie states that ‘people grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality’. We live in a way where we don’t really live each moment as if it were our last. We live in ways which one could say that we have a never-ending supply of time on this planet. We do things which we would most likely not do if we knew we only had a limited amount of time left. Bronnie states that each person experienced a range of emotions such as denial, fear, anger, remorse and finally the most important of all, acceptance.
During her time with the people Bonnie had cared for, she had questioned them about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently. What she found were common themes which repeatedly presented themselves. Let’s have a look at the most common five regrets she has discovered through her experience. While reading the next five top regrets, as a suggestion, pause between each one and see what you experience.
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Number one was THE most common regret of all. When people come to the stage where they realize that their life on this planet is almost over, they enter a phase where they begin to look back and assess the years that have gone by.
It is crucial that you honor some of your dreams during your journey of life. Write a list of all your dreams and then look at the final list, which items on your list would you truly regret not doing? Circle those ones and then put them somewhere you can see. Health can be taken for granted by most people, we don’t really understand what good health can grant us. When you lose your health, it may be too late. Health brings freedom, have you been mindful of your health?
“Some books leave us free and some books make us free.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
We work to earn an income to support ourselves and our families. Sometimes we may overwork ourselves as we get addicted to work, money or we may even just get stuck on the ride. As a result, we miss out a lot by doing so. These patients had realized that they weren’t present during their children’s childhood and missed out on spending quality time with their partners.
When we simplify our life and the way we live it, when we are mindful about the choices we make, it becomes possible that we really don’t need the income we think we need. As a result, when we become happy or perhaps happier than we presently are. We become open to seeing new possibilities in places we once may have not been able to.
“Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled “This could change your life.” ~Helen Exley
Most people don’t share their feelings, they spend all their energy suppressing their feelings for the sake of peace. This may erode them after a while, there are many illnesses which are developed as a result of resentment which is carried in the body.
What we need to understand and accept is that unfortunately, we cannot control other people. It is important to express yourself powerfully. When you do, people may be surprised and react at the beginning, however; in doing so this can go two ways. Either your relationship will be based on respect and love or it may end; thus, removing an unhealthy relationship out of your life. So, in both cases, you win.
“We lose ourselves in books. We find ourselves there too.” ~Anonymous
Most of us have a busy lifestyle, rushing from one thing to the next. Therefore, friendships can be sadly neglected. Friendships are a major contributing factor to happiness. A study* published in the Journal of Socio-Economics in 2008 set out to put a price tag on the value of social relationships. This study had analyzed data from 10, 000 people to determine which makes people happy; either money or friendship. What they discovered was that friendship overwhelmingly was the determining factor.
“Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light.” ~Vera Nazarian
Bronnie found regret number five to be surprising, she had discovered that most of the patients like many people in the world don’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They don’t see it as an option, they don’t see it as something they choose every day and every moment.
Fear plays a big part in this, fear takes over the show and prevents them from seeing that there actually is a choice. It has them pretend that they are actually fine when really deep down inside they are not. Jim Carey has said, “when you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerous level of freedom.”
To sum up, the ultimate themes here can be said in three words, courage, connection and choice. Life is a choice. Everything you do is what you choose to do. So, what are you choosing today or right now?
*https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053535707001205